A LIL SAD

 Everyone come to my house and cry with me.

-Sydney ):

WAITING FOR PAOLO TO MAKE ME A PRINCESS

 I dunno if any of you have seen this before, but I saw this and I shredded tears of joy.

                (it's probably old news to all of you, but seriously how fucking accurate is this?!)

current moods:

 someone go make me something to eat

wait, but i'm fat 

mom, i don't want to go outside. i'm too ugly

i'm not bluffing, madonna's on steroids. 

...HIT ME BABEH ONE MORE TYME.

why did brian griffin die on us

i don't want to do homework

i want to spell my name with llamas

that guy in one of my classes is insanely hot

^*drools*

y'all can kiss my ass

jk come over here and give me a big hug

dylan obrien should propose to be already

nom nom nom nom nom nom

seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

foooooooooooooooooooood

mofo

how do you all even bear with me?

kisses.

QUEEN SYDNEY

First of all, it's almost the best day of the week:

franco friday.

IF I WERE QUEEN:

I. James Franco would rule next to me um because look at that face. Adorable screams from it.

II. School would start around 1:00 PM and will end promptly at 6:30. 

III. You can wear whatever you want at school, but if it's a little too much, you will wear a sign that has an arrow pointing to you reading "SKANK ALERT." 

IV. There will be no such thing as homecoming queen. Because there is only one queen, and that's me. Sorry.

V. (I know this is kind of typical) but once a week, a selected group of girls would get to go on a trip to any mall they want, go to any store they want, and they can take anything they want. For free. It would be kind of like that movie The Purge. Except it won't have all the creepy/gory parts.

this actually creeped me out the entire time I made it.

VI. All of the cutest boys will be sent up to my mansion to come have a mandatory "conference" with me.

VII. Teachers will only be hired if they are sympathetic and understanding. If they say they are and I get complaints they are to be fired immediately. 

VIII. Cheaters will be banished to a remote, deserted island where they would have to fight to survive. They asked for it...

IX. It's ok if you take something from someone, but if you take something from me, you will be sent to the dungeon. 

X. Group projects will be outlawed. 

XI. Disney Channel would have a "Throwback Thursday" where they would just play old Disney shows all day. Popcorn and sour patch kids will be delivered to every house.

XII. If a girl is seen with a ridiculously stupid-looking bun on the top of her head, it is to be chopped off immediately.  And I quote the great Jenna Marbles:

Preach.

And lastly:

XIII. On my birthday, all of the kind citizens will bake me a gigantic cake. Don't worry, I'll supply everything needed. The whole day will be dedicated to everyone eating cake and having fun and giving presents to one another. It would just be a fucking happy day. Almost as good as Christmas.

 Ya that's it. 

*mwah*

NOSTALGIA

  Dear Anchovy Boy,

 How are you? I certainly hope you are well. It has been such a long time since we've last talked. How long has it been? About 5 months? Wow.

 I really miss seeing you around school. And I just miss pretty much everything about you. The way that you would sit and listen "attentively" to the teacher with your shoulders hunched forward. Your legs were so incredibly long that they could've slid under just not my desk but even the desk in front of me. I have always liked the way that your hair would fall lazily over your eyes and the way that you would have to brush it out of the way with a shake of your head. Que bueno.

 Maybe I should tell you about the first time I actually got to know you. It was a while ago. I remember that Amy and I sat behind you. I thought you were sososo cute. I was only 12, so of course (like every other 12 year old girl) I denied my feelings and started to make fun of you. That's when I came up with your nickname: Anchovy Boy. Because apparently to my 12 year old self, you looked like a fish. Oh Amy, Nicole, and I made many creative nicknames for you. There was "Le Derp" (courtesy of Amy, herself), "Fishy", and (lol your going to get a kick out of this) "That Boy That Makes Me Look Like A Babbling Idiot". So even though you thought that I hated you at first, YOU WERE FOOLED, FOOL! Hahaha.

 It was a year after that where I found myself very attracted to you. Social Studies was my favorite class in the world, considering we were always sitting relatively close to another. All I really remember is that our conversations were cut very short. When we were having quaint discussions about Napoleon Bonaparte or Ulysses S. Grant, someone (most commonly another of your crazed fan-girls) would come up and give you an annoying distracting. A distraction from not just the assignment, but for me too.

 There was also that time that you showed up to my softball game. I was extremely surprised to see you there. So surprised, that for the first 5 pitches, I couldn't even through a strike (talk about humiliating) It was very cool of you to stick around and cheer me on anyhow. I think that you made that game one of my favorite games that I've ever played in (even though we lost like 17-1, yikes).

 It was so great at the beginning of that year. We talked everyday. I could always make you laugh and you made feel feel complete bliss. A beautiful nirvana.

 I wonder what turned this around.

 One day, you just decided that my jokes weren't funny anymore. Our conversations went about as far as "Hi" and then soon nothing at all. I never again caught your lingering stare. You didn't come to anymore of my softball games.

 You just started hanging out with the popular kids. And you began to talk to many different girls. And you were placed in a seat farther away from me. You didn't even step into the MPR at the school dance. And at graduation even though we were standing practically right next to another, you decided to walk 15 people ahead and talk to people you met only a couple weeks prior.

 What happened? Was I just not that important anymore?

 That's not even the most cruel part. The most cruel part to end this tragedy was that you actually got me to fall in love with you. So now every time I go back to thoughts about Middle School your face always pops up. You just don't even understand, so let me spell it out for you: I LOVED YOU ANCHOVY BOY. I really did. And I wish that you could've said something and didn't just leave me hanging by myself. It's all because of you that I don't believe in love. It is! You tricked me! It was all a joke!

*breaths*

 Oh, Anchovy. Too bad all of that crap had to happen. Sometimes I wish I could go back and think about what happened. I honestly do.

 Well, I'm done crying about you (as cheesy as that sounds) so I'm just going to try to move on from you and all of the crap that you put me through.

 I just have one question.

 If nothing was even official, why does it still hurt so much?

 This is an attempt at goodbye.

 I say attempt because obviously I cannot let go. Because every time your face comes across my mind I go though a period of

















Nostalgia.



















Love, Sydney

I WAS RIGHT

 Juliet did in fact have big breasts. And all the boys in 0 period English can admit it.

 We get that you have such luminous bosoms. We didn't need to actually see them to get that, you little slut.

  What I did notice while watching a segment of the movie today was that Shakespeare never really made a scene where Romeo actually snuck into our girl Juliet's room. You know, the night of intimate actions. If he did right a scene for it, this is probably how it would go:

 INTERPRETATION OF THE BEDROOM SCENE (What Shakespeare failed to add):

by Sydney Tody

(it's even written in ionic pentameter for you. Ya, I'm that good)

Romeo: Oh see the light that does reach from her room.

              I feel excitement spread through a prick.

              Give heed! There stands my lady by her broom

Juliet: With thy stick, I am to show of work. Ick.

           It's my lord! Come Romeo up the wall!

           He thinks it's me, oh come up fast and quick! 

           Oh do be careful my husband, Don't fall.

           But hurry, for methinks I'll lose my wit!

Romeo: I cometh thou fair sun, and here so I am.

             Your cleavage so full, I cannot look away. 

             Fine thy shall look bereft of these mere cloths, damn. I liked the way this line sounded, it doesn't really work..

             Come wife, hold me. I do wish I could stay. 

             I feel alive, dancing with pants full of ants.

Juliet: We shalt need no more talk! OFF WITH THY PANTS! 

Continue play. lol sex.

No need for an applause, I just want to be the one to say I told you so.   

             

           

            

              

JULIET HAD BIG BOOBS

  That's probably the reason why Romeo "fell in love right when he saw her". Whatever.

 One thing about me is that for some strange reason, I just do not believe in love at first sight. And it's really sad and depressing, but there is no possible way that one person could care about another person as much than other person cares about him/her.

 When you kind of think about it, there will always be a person that loves more. So no one is completely satisfied. No one who experiences love with another person will trust that the other person will love as much as the other person. That's probably the scary thing about dating: you either end up breaking up or you get married. It's kind of weird thinking about it, ahaha. In other words: you will either be the heartbreaker or you will get your heart broken. Ya, hate to say it but it's the truth. Sorry.

 Want to know something? I HATE CRUSHES. Ihatethemihatethemihatethemihatethemihatethem. Because I care about them waaaaay too much. Because after the whole phase, you feel like your existence has been stripped from you. You feel as if you have no importance on Earth anymore, but your still here taking up space. Like a lamp.

 Okay hold up. Probably the WORST thing about this god damn feeling we get that we mistake for love is when you don't even love the person at the beginning. And then they actually talk to you. And then you actually develop a small connection with them. And then you "love" them. And then slowly but surely, they begin to pull away. And then they fucking slip through your fingers, and you're just standing there, your heart in two pieces wondering where he went. But he's gone. And he ain't comin' back girl.

 That's the worst.

 So for all the ladies out there. Believe in whatever you want to believe in just remember the difference between guys and girls: Guys act like they're into you when they really not. Girls act like they hate you when they secretly love you.

 And........ cleavage.

Juliet you blessed mother fucker.

Personality my ass.

IDIOTS AT THE GYM

 Sometimes I just wonder what the fuck some people are thinking when they do something stupid. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me when I do something stupid. But some idiots... arg, ok this is going to be a bit of a rant.

RULES ALL GYMS SHOULD APPLY:

A list by Sydney Tody.

No. 1: Do not try to talk to people who are super into their workout. If you can see that they are sweating profoundly, not making eye-contact with anyone, and look like they are in excruciating pain, just wait until they finish. Or else you will be given the look of death. No joke.

No. 2: If you are not using equipment, just step aside. Don't be sitting on a piece of equipment yapping to your friends, taking mirror selfies, or any other stupid thing besides working out. Some people actually want to try and wrap up their workout so that they can go home and eat all the crap they want.

No. 3: If someone on a certain machine is super into their workout and there are tons of the same machines that are open, please don't choose the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO THEM. Again, the look of death and a ton of other ugly thoughts would be upon you. Hey, this doesn't mean that this person is an ass, it's just that some people are in pain when working out and they just want to do their thing without anyone looking at them and possibly judging them. They just want peace, that's all. Don't get the wrong idea about these people, he/she's probably a great person outside of the gym. You know what they say, Train like a Beast, Look like a Beauty.

No. 4: Do not ask a trainer, who is clearly working out with some one, for help. I made this mistake, and of course the trainee was super into her workout, I mean she was bright red in the face and perspiring like she just got off of Splash Mountain. Anyway, she said, "UM WE'RE KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW." and I was like "CALM YOUR TITS, TOMATO." but I said that in my head so no one heard that but me. Moral of story: if you need help, ask a trainer who isn't busy. (:

No. 5: When doing a yoga class, make sure that 1. your pants fit (no one wants to see that flattering plumber's smile when you go into front fold) 2. don't stand directly behind another person (you don't want to meet someone doggy-style) and 3. that you don't have beans prior to your class (you don't want to let one out during a quite meditation session).

No. 6: If you have a gym-friend (that is a woman) do not tell them how skinny they are getting or that they need to work a little harder. That's just Girl Code, ya don't do that.

No. 7: When you are in the locker room, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT strip down naked. That is just not sanitary. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR SAGGY BOOBS OR YOUR BARE ASS. I'm sorry, but that is just revolting. Every time someone does that at my gym, I'm like: ok i'm going to go throw up now. 

No. 8: Do not get into fights at the gym. This can lead to people throwing things (weights, equipment, people) at each other and I don't know about you, but when I'm working out, I don't want to get hit on the side of the head by a bar bell. 

No. 9: Bring your own music, because the gym music sucks.

No. 10: Do not eat when your working out. Well, I guess like a protein bar is fine, but don't go around carrying a KFC bucket around with you, because you are going to get a lot of strange looks. And the fat ladies are going to go after you.

 Ya, so educate yourself so next time you go to the gym, you're ready for anything.

 yay congrats. 

IT'S NOVEMBER 12TH AND I COULD CARE LESS

I leave school at lunch.

I would rather wear sweatshirts and jeans every day.

I think Romeo is sexy.

I hate Freshmen boys.

I kinda hate all the boys at my school. Especially this one... ugh my brain is exploding with rage just thinking about him.

Lacrosse is the sexiest sport a boy can play *teen wolf problems*

If you smell good, I am 85% more attracted to you.

I hate crying with eye make-up on.

MOM I'M FEELING A LITTLE SICK. CAN YA TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR?

All I want to do right now is lay on my bed, cry, and listen to sad music.

PIPE THE FUCK DOWN.

When I see this one boy: womanizer woman woman nizer your a womanizer oh.

I think that boys are just jealous of Romeo because he's more linguistic and can seduce a woman better than they ever could.

Take a few notes, boys.

"I'd like it if you'd stay."

Yeah, I guess that you both make a cute couple. So y'all go have a good time as I cry in my room and shove my face with cookies.

I don't belieeeeevvvveeeeee in true love.

Sue me.

^^lol I dunno.

Romeo & Juliet is the most unrealistic story ever. But every time I read it, a glimmer of hope shoots through me.

"DAMN. I wish I was your lover."

But I can kinda see why you don't like me.

Sometimes I just don't like me too.









It's November 12th and I can care less.

BESTS

1. Ice cream cake. It's the best of both worlds.

2. Beds.

3. Wifi.

4. Saved by the Bell's final episode where Zack and Kelly get married.

5. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

6. The Great Gatsby movie starring Leonardo di Caprio.

7. The casting for Blades of Glory.

8. Teen Wolf.

9. Girl Code (although I do wish that they would let Jenna Marbles on it... just saying.)

10. The nose of the muppet lady from Grown Ups 2

11. Ryan Reynolds.

12. The expression "Calm your tits"

13. Cute boys.

14. Lorde's new album.

15. Not Yearbook.

16. Extra's Dessert Delights (the desert flavored gum, holy shit I can't even.)

17. Chipotle.

18. Netflix.

19. Minimum School Days.

20. Zero Period (not having to wake up early, but getting to leave at lunch. Yay.)

21. Any kind of delicious food combinations.

22. Happy Madison Productions

Ya.

DAT ASS... NO

 Booties.

 We all have them. Some people have athletic looking butts: muscular and firm. Some people have model butts: perfectly shaped and firm. Some have no butts, just a flat surface below their back with an abyss-like crack down it. Some have bubble butts bubble bubble bubble butts. And some look like they have elephant cheeks attached to their back side. 

 Alas, there is a reason to this somewhat reason-less topic. I just want to give a quick shoutout to the young man in the white SUV that screamed "Ass!" when I was walking home after school.

 So this "Ass!" comment really threw me off at first, because at the time I was thinking about the movie Sinister that I watched a few weeks ago *note to self: never watch or talk about that movie again*. So when the car sped by me, and the comment was made, it scared me, so I jumped about 10 feet in the air.

 Okay, I have to admit... I first thought that the comment was a compliment. I was pretty flattered. And then I thought about it, turned around and looked at my "butt" and laughed, "Oh Sydney, this isn't a compliment. Those boys were just plain making fun of your butt."

 While sulking during the rest of the walk home, I started questioning the world around me. Okay so I understand that different males have different things that they look for in a girl, but come on. What even is sexy about a butt? You make poop out of them. There is nothing suggestive let alone sexual about butts what so ever. Is poop sexy? Yeah, I didn't think so.

 Back to the analysis: 

One cannot make fun of an ass when there is no ass present.

 girl code.

 So, for you boys that decide you want to make a cat-call or if your just trying to be a smart ass, make sure that you can physically see rolls of booty on a girl before calling her out on it. Because then a girl will try to stick out her butt and will walk around like a turtle with a shrunken shell. Either that or she'd reply, "What butt?" (cough cough, just don't do it)

  Moral of the entire post: 

 Bubble butt bubble bubble bubble butt.

 I don't even know anymore.

     

BURRITO CHILD

 so someone just come over and cuddle with me.

UM, BECAUSE CATS

 All I want for Christmas...
                                       

                     *reaches for Mariah Carey note*

iiiiiiiiiii-iiiiis....

a cat.

 I just want a fluffy kitty to love right now. I would prefer a kitten so that it can sit on my lap and keep me warm and entertain me and all dat.

 The reason that i think that I want a cat so much right now is probably because school is fucking stressful and annoying and I just want something to come home to and that would curl up next to me and watch Girl Code on my computer with me. This is what boyfriends are for, but it's not like I'm getting THAT any time soon. 

 I mean, cats.

 awe babiez.

 If I do ever get a buddy, it will have to be a girl so the conversation wouldn't get awkward due to the fact that there is a dick in the room. I kind of want to name my new furry baby "Meeka" (Meeks for short) or maybe even "Mako". I'm not quite sure about Mako though, because there is a girl on the varsity softball team that is called Mako, and I'm pretty sure that she isn't even aware of my existence. I would kinda feel weird if she thinks some random person named a cat after her. Ya feel me? 

 So if anybody has a lil kitty that they don't want anymore (highly unlikely) just send it to me. Por favor, I'll take very good care of it. It can eat Mini Wheats with me in the morning, and we can watch Teen Wolf, and read some good books, and drink some green tea, and we can talk about boys together, and it can stay in my back pack at school, and I can secretly feed it some cheese-its during notes, and we can slack off in Yearbook together, and we can talk PLL, and idk what other reasons of reassurance to you need, bitch. 

 Sorry, it's just a sad, sad world that needs more kittens. 

  *cries*

I WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW

um, tia. shouldn't those be for me?

 A few days ago, I re-watched for probably the millionth time The Jerk Theory with Josh Henderson and Jenna Dewan. It's one of my all-time favorite movies.

 I think that the reason why I like it so much is 1. because it's freakin' hilarious, 2. the soundtrack is amazing, and 3. attempt to pick up ways Molly uses to attract Adam to her.

 It does make me a little jealous of Molly/Jenna Dewan because, well let's face it. They both have perfect spouses. Molly has Adam who is a doll. And Jenna has Channing Tatum, who is for a fact a sex god.

 Unfortunately, all of the attractive guys at my school are dicks and could care less about staying in a committed relationship. Here are the kinds of boys you would encounter at my school:

1. "The Surfers": Like, duuuude. They just aren't smart enough to acknowledge that tons of girls are memorized by their sun-bleached hair, and sea-blue eyes. They normally stay in their little packs and talk about the different surf spots that each should visit on the weekend. Oh, so you don't surf? Oh, then they won't associate... with you, that is. Pretty much all dicks and heartbreakers, definetly not the kind of guy you would want to have just a crush on.

2. "The Skaters": These rebels have more of a bad-boy side rather than the surfers. Although, what both groups do have in common is that they are douches. The only reason for having a woman in their life is very simple: sex. That and obviously a relative-relationship. Needless to say, commitment is rarely an option and if it is at one point, don't get your hopes up too soon. Like the surfers, most have a head full of rocks, but you might encounter a skater that covers up his smarts to keep his image.

3. "The Wannabe Gangsters": Think that they are really cool and that they can bust anyone's ass even though they are sticks. Normally arrogant and always have a girlfriend.

4. "The Lacrosse Boys": See definition of "conceited".

5. "The Baseball Boys": Not as hot as the lacrosse boys, and just as heartless.

6. "The Football Boys": From what I noticed, all of the football players are very different. There can be very hot players that are really mean and immodest. Then they are hot players that are actually really sweet and sincere. Then there are really ugly players that are also very nice and sincere and there are ugly, fat jerks. Then there are huge, burly characters that have as much emotion as a sack of flour.

  Alas, as you can tell my options are close to unsatisfactory. So I'll just have to suffer through heart ache until the right guy comes along. Hopefully he will come soon, because I'm starting to get a little impatient.

 Seriously it's almost to the point where I should wear a sign to school reading, "WILL TWERK A KISS."